It's a quarter to four and I can't sleep because of the heat. My mind keeps circling through songs, work strategies, family dynamics, plans for the future, ruminations on rebuilding the Jaguar engine and various remnants of procrastination. My program for the night is a sleepy version of Hitchcock's "Rear Window" meets Graham Nash's "Songs for Beginners" looping incandescent somnambulist ropes around my bulging waist, reminding me that exercise as a daily practice will help settle the dust of self-analysis - like mist from a hose at dawn.
I am trying to be good you know. My history, habits, and influences weigh in against me at times and attempt to dislodge these wheels of good fortune from the track they are on. My daughter reminded me this evening to pray for my enemies - that, in my case, begins with me. Because enmity truly is a point of view, an illusion in many cases, a choice I make rather than something that is imposed upon me. I have a weakness for it and paradoxically have come to understand through the grace of You-Know-Who that it is one of those things in my life that I can change.
It reminds of a line from a song: "Don't want to wake up in bed with the Christian Right". There is this prevalence we have as a culture to square off the round edges, line up across the field from each other with sword and shield, take a cue from the generals and run full speed toward collision with nothing else in mind but how wrong the other side is. It delights an old Devil like me to see how taking personal responsibility is still rather unpopular, perhaps becoming less so as the world crowds up, heats up, tenses up. It's been almost two years since this nation took an unprecedented step toward what has been referred to as Hope - and currently every possible way of mocking, tearing down and reversing that decision is being thrown into the mix by politicians, big media companies, sociopaths marching as representatives of the Common Man, flat-earthers, birthers and bigots.
No wonder I can't sleep. There is so much work to do!
Yours,
B
My dear BZ,
ReplyDeleteI was journeying the rocky terrain of the undone with you last night, aided by the totally unwise late afternoon cup of tea and a week (or two) perhaps too many of only minimal cave (and mind) de-cluttering.
We better dance ourselves into sweet collapse tonight, hmmm?
Love,
V